Change

You know, for a long time I really didn't like change. And in some ways I still don't. But I think God's teaching me how to trust Him more with those changes. There's going to be a lot of things changing in my life soon, and for the most part, right now, I'm okay with that. I don't feel scared and uncertain anymore when I think of moving, finishing high school, or other things that come along with growing up. Now, that's not to say that I don't get nervous, because I do. But it's not a panicky nervous, it's more like a curious nervous: I'm curious to see what God has for me, and nervous because I'm still young, and still learning. For example...

...pretty soon I'm going to have to make some decisions about my future: if and where I'm going to college, what my major will be, does God want me to join the military (because that's an idea I'm toyed with for awhile), what my career will be, or if I'll even have a career...the list could go on, but those are the major concerns. I'm going to have a long talk with God someday about it all. And it's not that I doubt that God has an amazing plan for me, or that He loves me...but I doubt my ability to obey Him and hear him, without my own plans and desires getting in the way. There's a song by Sara Groves that perfectly describes my feelings.

"Hello Lord, it's me your child I have a few things on my mind. Right now I'm faced with big decisions and I'm wondering if you have minute. Because right now I don't hear so well and I was wondering if you could speak up. I know that you tore the veil so I could sit with you in person, and hear what you're saying cause right now...I think your whispering.

I don't doubt you sovereignty I doubt my own ability to hear what you're saying and to do the right thing. 'Cause I desperately want to the do the right thing but...

Right now I don't hear so well and I was wondering if you could speak up. I know that you tore the veil so I could sit with you in person and hear what your saying but right now...I just can't hear you. And somewhere in the back of my mind I think you are telling me to wait and though patience has never been mine, Lord, I will wait to hear from You. Oh, Lord, I'm waiting on You."

The places that are highlighted are the parts that I can really identify with. And God has been speaking to me, and telling me to wait...so I will. What else can I do? I'm not saying that in frustration though, but peace. His incredible peace is what I'm resting in. Thank you Lord for that!

So this is what has been on my mind recently. I like being able to get it out and consider it in writing. There are some other changes coming up that I can't really discuss right now, but I'm cool with them too, thanks to the grace of God.

Small side note: I'm not saying all of this to brag or show off or anything. Believe me, I've fallen plenty of times of my own pedestal to keep me from getting back on. This is one area that I'm strong in right now, thanks to God. There are other areas I'm really struggling in. I'm writing this as a praise to God, and as an encouragement to others who also might be dealing with changes. Give it to God, He's the most understanding, wise, and loving friend/father a girl (or guy) could have.