Written on 11 June, 2009. 1 week, + 1 day ago.
Basic begins in 2 weeks. Ah! And I'll be leaving home in an even shorter time. The thought terrifies me some moments. But not always. I think...the Lord's started to give me peace about it. He's helping me to come to terms with the reality and accept it. That's really good. Because I think the more I can accept and not fight against it, the better I can prepare, and the better I'll react when the time actually comes. How amazing my God is. How loving and kind. How wise! Even in the midst of my stubbornness and selfishness, He has brought me peace and softened me to His will. I can feel my spirit being turned to His, and I desire to please + follow Him more than I have in a long while. And it's so refreshing.
I'm reminded of the Great Romance, written about by Ted DekKer. I feel as though I've been pursued, rescued, wooed, and lavished upon. And all without my really realizing what was going on. Perhaps it's because I've been reading a story about it. Go figure... :). But even though my mind may just be comparing my story to that one because it wants to relate to it, I know it is still true. Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit...he has pursued me, gently, undoubtedly wooed me back to Him, rescued me from the pit of my own sin and selfish desires, and lavished his mercy, peace, and grace upon me. And He's done it more than once. Oh, how I love Him.
Basic begins in 2 weeks. Ah! And I'll be leaving home in an even shorter time. The thought terrifies me some moments. But not always. I think...the Lord's started to give me peace about it. He's helping me to come to terms with the reality and accept it. That's really good. Because I think the more I can accept and not fight against it, the better I can prepare, and the better I'll react when the time actually comes. How amazing my God is. How loving and kind. How wise! Even in the midst of my stubbornness and selfishness, He has brought me peace and softened me to His will. I can feel my spirit being turned to His, and I desire to please + follow Him more than I have in a long while. And it's so refreshing.
I'm reminded of the Great Romance, written about by Ted DekKer. I feel as though I've been pursued, rescued, wooed, and lavished upon. And all without my really realizing what was going on. Perhaps it's because I've been reading a story about it. Go figure... :). But even though my mind may just be comparing my story to that one because it wants to relate to it, I know it is still true. Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit...he has pursued me, gently, undoubtedly wooed me back to Him, rescued me from the pit of my own sin and selfish desires, and lavished his mercy, peace, and grace upon me. And He's done it more than once. Oh, how I love Him.
My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin, not in part, but the whole
Was nailed to a cross and I bare it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul!
It is well...with my soul.
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
My sin, not in part, but the whole
Was nailed to a cross and I bare it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul!
It is well...with my soul.
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
This, realization, I guess I would call it, of how He's changed my heart and brought me peace, did not come through some earth shattering experience. Rather, just as I was sitting here in the van on the way back from visiting Bethany in Texas, I thought about leaving and I wasn't immediately hit with a wave of fear, which has been my responce recently whenever I thought about it. That, or completely blocking the idea from my mind. Instead I felt okay about it, and found I could accept it. I knew that reaction could only have come from my Lord. Then I felt compelled to write about it, and my thoughts/feelings further finalized and developed into what I've written here.
Also what came to mind as I've been journaling is that for the past 2 days I've had a worship song from the HA Chapel stuck in my head. Now, while I've often had random ditties twirling around up there, long has it been since a song praising and surrendering to God has been on my thoughts for more than a few minutes. Frankly, as of late I hadn't really been living my life to follow/please God. Instead, I have mostly been doing what I wanted when I wanted to, with little thought for my savior or those around me. Not that I've been living in obvious sin. But...I know myself, and my heart. And it was not in submission or obedience to the Lord. Yet still he loved me! I am amazed. And touched. And...*peaceful sigh* thank you.
So we're on the way home now. We had a pretty good time w/ Beth in Tx, and an awesome time @ the Gathering. At first in Tx we weren't sure what to do w/ ourselves. But I think everything turned our okay. Beth seemed pretty sad to see us go. And we weren't all that happy about leaving her either. But it was really neat to see where she's been living and working this whole time, and to talk to her surpervisor and meet her friends. She's got a good group of ppl there who love her and the Lord a whole bunch.
Once we get home I still have a few things yet to do, like cleaning my room, shopping, packing a box, sending out my address and envelopes, sending in my eyeglass prescription (done), finishing my security clearance (done), and just running and exercising everyday. I'm going to have to plany my time wisely, and make sure I spend qualiity time w/ my family, friends, and God. I know with His help I can do it, and I can suceed at the Academy, if I perservere and give my all. Which I fully intend to do.
Okay, the compulsion to write has been satisfied. And it felt so good too. I haven't poured myself our like that in awhile. Ah, the release. I may write once more before I head out. And I'm going to try to have my brother post for me once or twice during Basic. We'll see. Otherwise, God bless each and everyone who reads this. May His peace abound in your life, and my your too be pursued and loved by our awesome God. I'll see you on the flip side!
Dive Deep,
Rachel
Also what came to mind as I've been journaling is that for the past 2 days I've had a worship song from the HA Chapel stuck in my head. Now, while I've often had random ditties twirling around up there, long has it been since a song praising and surrendering to God has been on my thoughts for more than a few minutes. Frankly, as of late I hadn't really been living my life to follow/please God. Instead, I have mostly been doing what I wanted when I wanted to, with little thought for my savior or those around me. Not that I've been living in obvious sin. But...I know myself, and my heart. And it was not in submission or obedience to the Lord. Yet still he loved me! I am amazed. And touched. And...*peaceful sigh* thank you.
So we're on the way home now. We had a pretty good time w/ Beth in Tx, and an awesome time @ the Gathering. At first in Tx we weren't sure what to do w/ ourselves. But I think everything turned our okay. Beth seemed pretty sad to see us go. And we weren't all that happy about leaving her either. But it was really neat to see where she's been living and working this whole time, and to talk to her surpervisor and meet her friends. She's got a good group of ppl there who love her and the Lord a whole bunch.
Once we get home I still have a few things yet to do, like cleaning my room, shopping, packing a box, sending out my address and envelopes, sending in my eyeglass prescription (done), finishing my security clearance (done), and just running and exercising everyday. I'm going to have to plany my time wisely, and make sure I spend qualiity time w/ my family, friends, and God. I know with His help I can do it, and I can suceed at the Academy, if I perservere and give my all. Which I fully intend to do.
Okay, the compulsion to write has been satisfied. And it felt so good too. I haven't poured myself our like that in awhile. Ah, the release. I may write once more before I head out. And I'm going to try to have my brother post for me once or twice during Basic. We'll see. Otherwise, God bless each and everyone who reads this. May His peace abound in your life, and my your too be pursued and loved by our awesome God. I'll see you on the flip side!
Dive Deep,
Rachel
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