So, if you're wondering about the title, it's the name of a song that we (Beth and I and our campers) learned while we were volunteering as counselors at a Christian summer camp this past week. It was a lot of fun, and a learning experience, as we dealt with many different kids from 1st grade through 4th grade. Some were rather rambunctious and energetic, while others seemed bored and indifferent, or homesick. But they were all pretty cool, and we made a lot of friends. I think most of the kids had a really good time too.
Anyway, I figured it was about time I posted an update on the AFA. I wrote in my journal about it while at camp during Rollover (AKA quiet time, one of the counselors favorite times of the day ;) ), so I'll post that along with part of a journal entry from April that I thought it'd be cool to post here. It's interesting to look back and see how my feelings have changed, developed, and yet in a way have also stayed the same, over just a few months.
From April 25th:
Confound it all. So I've been looking at all the things I need to do in order to apply to the AF Academy, and get a nomination. There are a lot of them. They kind of make me feel overwhelmed, like "What am I getting into?" Yet at the same time my desire to go only grows stronger, and so all the requirements make me even more nervous. The mountain seems so high, I fear I'll never reach it's peak.
I understand the need for all of the requirements & rules. Truly, I do. And when/if I do receive a nomination/appointment, all of this work now will only make it sweeter. Yet, I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could will them to let me in. If they could only know how much I want to go. But then, so do hundreds, or rather thousands, of others. But, I still wish it didn't have to be this way.
At the same time that I feel all of theses emotions and wants, I feel a slight tug from my Daddy-God. Not Him saying that I shouldn't go, but rather a reminder that He's there. A gentle, "Hey, remember me?" I fear I've let myself get way too caught up in thinking & preparing for the Academy, and I let it take the #1 place in my life, instead of Him. How easy it seems sometimes to let that happen. Forgive me Abba. Help me to keep my focus on You, and my priorities straight. Help me to remember my duties & responsibilities now, and not get so caught up in the future. I truly do love you Lord, and I want Your will to come first. But, sometimes I forget that. *sigh*
After that I wrote about the Service Academy meeting I posted about before.
Now here's the post from camp, dated July 13th:
There is not really too much to tell. I haven't gotten as much done as I wanted to, although I still have a lot of time. But I will need to start once we get back. A few things have occurred though. One, I took the SAT and got my scores back. Good news, I raised my total score by 130 points. Bad news, I only raise my Math by 30. So while now its at least high enough to be considered "competitive," I still need to raise it more. I really want to pass 600, hopefully by 30 points. So I'll be taking it again in October and probably November. Another thing is that I found out a friend of mine had been accepted at West Point for the class of 2012, meaning he started earlier this month. It was really cool to talk to him about the application & nomination processes before he left. Not only was the information & details from his experience helpful. But also being able to know someone who had a similar aspiration to mine, and succeeded in it was...very encouraging.
But, sometimes I feel torn within myself. I want to go to the AFA, and still have the same interests and desires concerning it, but then I think of how long I'll be gone, and all I'll miss, plus all I'll go through, and I wonder what in the world was I thinking. It's like i was flying high, all excited about it, and then I hit a brick wall, a reality check. It was rather sobering to think about all I would be sacrificing.
And I think I still want to do it; really, I know I do. The rewards would be great, and I'd fulfill a dream I've had for quite awhile. But, I think I've still got some thinking & praying to do. Because if I do get in, I want to be there for the right reasons. And because it's where God wants me to go.
So, that's about it. The things I need to do next in the process include getting my class rank from my Instructional Supervisor from cyber school, and then finish my Pre-Candidate Questionnaire hopefully by August. And I really need to run (as in start jogging regularly). I haven't been doing that steadily yet, but I really need to.
Well, that's what's been going on lately. Not much concrete information to update on, besides the SAT stuff, but lots going on in my head. Some of my friends have been asking me about my plans. That brings more confusing feelings, because I know in my head and heart what I want, and why, but it's hard to explain to them. I feel like unless people have the same desires I do, most won't understand. Now, I know my parents and siblings do, but talking with others about it still makes me feel awkward and nervous. Eh, that makes me even more nervous about all the interviews and meetings that I'll have to do during the application process. But, those are awhile off. For now I know I should just focus on the earlier, simple things I need to do. So, I'm trying. 'Tis hard though.
Okay, enough rambling. Hope you all can understand my many various thought trails. I'll leave you with the chorus of a song some friends of ours sang Beth and me for our 18th birthday:
I bless you with joy and laughter,
I bless you with a steadfast faith,
I bless you with the hopes and dreams that your heart goes after,
I bless you with amazing grace.
Anyway, I figured it was about time I posted an update on the AFA. I wrote in my journal about it while at camp during Rollover (AKA quiet time, one of the counselors favorite times of the day ;) ), so I'll post that along with part of a journal entry from April that I thought it'd be cool to post here. It's interesting to look back and see how my feelings have changed, developed, and yet in a way have also stayed the same, over just a few months.
From April 25th:
Confound it all. So I've been looking at all the things I need to do in order to apply to the AF Academy, and get a nomination. There are a lot of them. They kind of make me feel overwhelmed, like "What am I getting into?" Yet at the same time my desire to go only grows stronger, and so all the requirements make me even more nervous. The mountain seems so high, I fear I'll never reach it's peak.
I understand the need for all of the requirements & rules. Truly, I do. And when/if I do receive a nomination/appointment, all of this work now will only make it sweeter. Yet, I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could will them to let me in. If they could only know how much I want to go. But then, so do hundreds, or rather thousands, of others. But, I still wish it didn't have to be this way.
At the same time that I feel all of theses emotions and wants, I feel a slight tug from my Daddy-God. Not Him saying that I shouldn't go, but rather a reminder that He's there. A gentle, "Hey, remember me?" I fear I've let myself get way too caught up in thinking & preparing for the Academy, and I let it take the #1 place in my life, instead of Him. How easy it seems sometimes to let that happen. Forgive me Abba. Help me to keep my focus on You, and my priorities straight. Help me to remember my duties & responsibilities now, and not get so caught up in the future. I truly do love you Lord, and I want Your will to come first. But, sometimes I forget that. *sigh*
After that I wrote about the Service Academy meeting I posted about before.
Now here's the post from camp, dated July 13th:
There is not really too much to tell. I haven't gotten as much done as I wanted to, although I still have a lot of time. But I will need to start once we get back. A few things have occurred though. One, I took the SAT and got my scores back. Good news, I raised my total score by 130 points. Bad news, I only raise my Math by 30. So while now its at least high enough to be considered "competitive," I still need to raise it more. I really want to pass 600, hopefully by 30 points. So I'll be taking it again in October and probably November. Another thing is that I found out a friend of mine had been accepted at West Point for the class of 2012, meaning he started earlier this month. It was really cool to talk to him about the application & nomination processes before he left. Not only was the information & details from his experience helpful. But also being able to know someone who had a similar aspiration to mine, and succeeded in it was...very encouraging.
But, sometimes I feel torn within myself. I want to go to the AFA, and still have the same interests and desires concerning it, but then I think of how long I'll be gone, and all I'll miss, plus all I'll go through, and I wonder what in the world was I thinking. It's like i was flying high, all excited about it, and then I hit a brick wall, a reality check. It was rather sobering to think about all I would be sacrificing.
And I think I still want to do it; really, I know I do. The rewards would be great, and I'd fulfill a dream I've had for quite awhile. But, I think I've still got some thinking & praying to do. Because if I do get in, I want to be there for the right reasons. And because it's where God wants me to go.
So, that's about it. The things I need to do next in the process include getting my class rank from my Instructional Supervisor from cyber school, and then finish my Pre-Candidate Questionnaire hopefully by August. And I really need to run (as in start jogging regularly). I haven't been doing that steadily yet, but I really need to.
Well, that's what's been going on lately. Not much concrete information to update on, besides the SAT stuff, but lots going on in my head. Some of my friends have been asking me about my plans. That brings more confusing feelings, because I know in my head and heart what I want, and why, but it's hard to explain to them. I feel like unless people have the same desires I do, most won't understand. Now, I know my parents and siblings do, but talking with others about it still makes me feel awkward and nervous. Eh, that makes me even more nervous about all the interviews and meetings that I'll have to do during the application process. But, those are awhile off. For now I know I should just focus on the earlier, simple things I need to do. So, I'm trying. 'Tis hard though.
Okay, enough rambling. Hope you all can understand my many various thought trails. I'll leave you with the chorus of a song some friends of ours sang Beth and me for our 18th birthday:
I bless you with joy and laughter,
I bless you with a steadfast faith,
I bless you with the hopes and dreams that your heart goes after,
I bless you with amazing grace.
1 comment:
Hey, Rae! Wow. You're right about having a lot to think and pray about, lol. Well, although I can't make decisions for you, I just thought I'd let you know that you're in my prayers, and I know that G-d is going to use you for something totally awesome, chica! =D
Lilly ^_^
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